Wild Card
About five to six years ago, I met a good friend at camp. We had the same interests, and could discourse intelligently on such important subjects as how many girlfriends Luke Skywalker had had (at least five, to the best of my knowledge). But lo and behold, we lived several hours apart and neither of us had licenses nor the time and gas to get together. So, we emailed.
Soon, several things became clear. First of all, my friend has a very goofy sense of humor. But I usually interpreted most of his humorous sayings as serious. The humor which would usually be accompanied by a laugh or the correct tone of voice no longer had those audible markers. On the other hand, I myself have a rather sarcastic sense of humor. Unfortunately, he also has a tendency to interpret as seriously. Over time, I’ve managed to read between the lines and tell when he’s joking and not. He, on the other hand, has never quite figured out when I’m joking and when I’m criticizing.
A few days ago, my friend and I were instant messaging about his imminent return home (he has spent the past year abroad in predominantly male society). After he mentioned his deep eagerness to get home and “see girls,” I could resist a quick tease. “You want to see girls again,” I sent, “you’ve got your priorities straight!” He responded with a serious and defensive dissertation on why “seeing girls” was so important for when he returned stateside—not realizing until I corrected him that I was just joking.
If we had been speaking face to face (or using iChat), I would’ve been able to communicate the fact that I was joking better. But with instant messaging, I didn’t have tone of voice, and I didn’t have facial expressions. I could roll my eyes or add a laugh-signals of jokes.
This could’ve been avoided through the use of iChat, which is more like the video-communication in Star Trek. But I didn’t have it, and I don’t know whether my friend would even be allowed to use it.
I wonder whether this dependence on instant messaging and email is resulting in a poorer communication style. We can communicate so much less through just words than if we use our voices and bodies as well. Confusions like this also make me wonder whether CMC results in people who aren’t as aware of how they’re communicating things with their bodies and voices when they speak to others. Sometimes, when I’m talking to people or watching people converse, I can find out all sorts of interesting things by watching their unconscious movements or reactions. At other times, I wonder whether depending too much on CMC leaves some people without polite conversational skills as well. Sometimes I converse with people from my generation and I’ll realize that they don’t know how to shut up and take turns talking (aka listening). Wood and Smith noted a similar situation in an example early on in the book, where one of the people involved noticed that she and a coworker were talking in emails—reply and question, reply and question.
I totally agree with you, I think speaking through email etc. makes it really hard to interpret how another person is trying to say something. I too am a very sarcastic person and tend to give people a hard time, all in good fun. But when we speak, our tone, body language, and facial expressions make it clear we are just kidding. Through email this is hard to get across, so I have now started to use winking smiley faces to ensure the other person that I am in fact making a joke. I do believe you are correct when you talk about how our generation may lack certain face to face communication skills, like waiting your turn to speak. I think this issue is more pertinent for those later in the generation and youth to come. I know I didn’t start emailing regularly till college so my communication skills were stressed by my parents, because internet access was not readily available to me when I was a kid or even a young teen!
tracik3 said this on March 4, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Yeah I think you have described a very common problem with online mediated communication. I think you’re not the only one that has realized this, there seems to be more and more video webcam capabilities appearing on many different popular messenger and social network websites. I think that websites like myspace and facebook will soon have these capabilities, and then it’s probably going to be game-over for the old messenger programs (i.e. ICQ, MSN, AIM).
This will obviously help with the misinterpretations you may well have as you will able to view such important cues like non-verbal messages.
Daniel Leach said this on March 5, 2009 at 2:19 am
I, too, agree with you. In my blog I spoke of a misperception I had of one of my teachers that was eventually corrected when I met her face-to-face and was able to interpret her nonverbal cues. The only successful way I have found to communicate my own intentions behind what I say online in e-amils, myspace, etc to friends is with the use of emoticons…which I actually only know a few of..so I suppose that limits me. But then, there is the question of how to effectively communicate your intention when in a more formal online atmosphere (i.e. work-related, etc) and emoticons just are not appropriate. I sat in on a business meeting with the communication company I am interning for, and it was interesting because they eventually became so frustrated with trying to interpret the overall message of their employees in a branch office, that someone requested they switch to web cam. Unfortunately, I had other responsibilities and had to leave before they continued via webcam, but I found it intriguing that these business people were far more aware, adept, and utilizing of such an online tool than I am…as a far younger, in theory more technology adept, interpersonal/intercultural major.
I think it will be fascinating to see which direction online communication goes, like Daniel mentions- as social network sites [and network sites in general] start to convert to web cam usage. How prevalent will the tool become in our communication as a whole?
arese said this on March 6, 2009 at 6:34 pm